From: rayssd!esther@uunet.uu.net (Esther A. Paris)
Subject: harrassed at work, could use some prayers
Reply-To: esther@demand.ed.ray.com
Organization: Raytheon Equipment Division, Marlboro, MA
Lines: 110

My news feed is broken and I haven't received any new news in 243 hours
(more than 10 days).  So, if you reply to this, please send private
email to the address esther@demand.ed.ray.com -- I have set the
Reply-To line to have that address but I don't know if it will work.

[It depends upon the software, but generally I wouldn't expect
reply-to to cause an email cc to be sent in addition to a posting.
You'll probably need to do something specific, which will vary
depending upon your news software.  --clh]

At any rate, I need some support.  (Much thanks to Jayne K who is
already supporting me with kind words and prayers!)

I've been working at this company for eight years in various
engineering jobs.  I'm female.  Yesterday I counted and realized that
on seven different occasions I've been sexually harrassed at this
company.  Seven times. Eight years. Yesterday was the most recent one;
someone left an X-rated photo of a nude woman in my desk drawer.

I'm really upset by this.  I suppose it could have been worse -- it
could have been a man having sex with a sheep or something.

There was no note.  I do not know if it was:

	- someone's idea of an innocent joke, that went awry
	- someone's sick idea of flirting
	- an act of emotional terrorism (that worked!)

I dreaded coming back to work today.  What if my boss comes in to ask
me some kind of question, I don't know the answer so I take a military
specification down off from my shelf to look up the answer, and out
falls a picture of a man having sex with a sheep?  I generally have a
Bible on my desk for occasional inspiration; what if I open it up to
Corinthians and find a picture a la the North American Man Boy Love
Association?  I want to throw up just thinking about this stuff.

I can lock up my desk, but I can't lock up every book I have in the
office.  I can't trust that someone won't shove something into my
briefcase or my coat pocket when I'm not looking so that I go home to
find such a picture, or a threat, or a raunchy note about what someone
wants to do to my body.

To make it worse, the entire department went out to lunch yesterday to
treat our marvelous secretary to lunch.  The appointed hour for
leaving was 11:30.  I was working in another building but wanted to go
to the lunch.  So I returned at 11:25, only to find that ever single
person had already left for lunch.  They left at 11:15 or so.  No one
could be bothered to call me at the other building, even though my
number was posted.  So, I came back to a department that looked like a
neutron bomb had gone off and I was the sole survivor.  This, despite
the fact that everyone knew how bad I felt about this naked woman being
left in my desk drawer.

I need some prayers --- I can't stop crying. I am so deeply wounded
that it's ridiculous.

I feel like I'm some kind of sub-human piece of garbage for people to
reduce me and my sisters to simply sex organs and the sex act.  I feel
like I'm a sub-human piece of garbage that's not worthy of a simple
phone call saying "We're leaving for Mary's lunch a little early so
that Bob can get back for a big 1:00 meeting..."

Please pray that my resentments will either go away, or be miraculously
turned into something positive.  Please pray that whoever is torturing
me so will stop, and find some healing for him- or herself. Please pray
for my being healed from this latest wound (which falls on top of a
whole slew of other wounds...).  Please pray that I can find a new job
in a place where the corporate culture does its best to prevent such
harrassment from happening in the first place, and swiftly acts
appropriately when something occurs despite its best precautions. (This
company, in my opinion, has pretty words about how sexual harrassment
isn't tolerated but when you get right down to it, how is it that one
female engineer can be touched inappropriately, left obsene or
threatening notes, left obscene pictures, spoken to lewdly, etc, seven
times in eight years in the same place?  Pretty words from the company
do me no good when I'm terrified or healing from the latest assault.)

And please pray that I don't turn into an automaton because of this.
That's my bad habit: "ignore it and it will go away", "you're not worth
anyone's time so don't go talking to anyone about this", "you're right,
you are a sub-human piece of garbage and deserve to be treated this
way", "you are just an object", "you prostitute your mind to this
company so why can't others expect you to prostitute your body there as
well?", "what makes you think women aren't just possessions, and
nothing more than sex organs and their ability to perform the sex act?"
This is the kind of thinking that can catapault one into a major
depressive episode; please pray that these thoughts don't come into
my head and stay there, triggering depression.

Please pray that this latest trauma doesn't come between me and God.
In a way, a wound like this is an invitation to a deeper connection to
God, and it's also a possible trigger for a spiritual crisis that can
separate one mentally from God.  (I know God doesn't drop me from his
loving hand, but it's awfully easy for me to walk to the edge of the
hand, look down, think I'm falling and forget that God's still holding
on to me.)

Although this probably isn't entirely appropriate for this newsgroup,
I really can use the kind of loving support you all provide.  For this
reason I hope good Mr. Moderator allows me this latest indulgence.  After
all, he's allowed me the thermometer note, and a few other off-the-wall
topics.

Thanks in advance to everyone for your support and prayers.  Peace to you,
Esther

-- 
Esther Paris, Raytheon Equipment Div., Marlboro, MA   esther@demand.ed.ray.com
"In his esteem, nothing that was large enough to please, was too small
for the fingers." -- John Kitto, "The Lost Senses", 1848